the heart as it is | courage • grief • beauty

… about Yahweh:

• God is the god who heals. If what we say or do does not help bring about the healing for ourselves and others, then it is not of God.
• From the very beginnings of scripture, God has always delighted in working with and working through humans. While I believe God can supernaturally intercede without any human touch, he often does not work with this way. When we pray to bring about change, it would be helpful and thoughtful to think about the things that we ourselves can do and say to help join in the love and healing that God has destined as He continues to do His good work of restoring & reconciling Heaven to earth.
• I am reading through Exodus in the Orthodox Study Bible, and after the Israelites have crossed the Red Sea, they sing about how God’s wrath saved them, which I think is important and interesting to note. God’s primary reason behind his wrath was not to punish the Egyptians because they did something wrong, it was to free and liberate His people – that was more important than punishing the Egyptians. Granted, that ‘punishment’ was how God was eventually able to free His people. This is not to say that people need to be punished in order for another group of people to be freed. This is to say, however, that God’s wrath is first about liberating, and because His boundaries of treating people with dignity in their divine image had been violated. I think this is an important reality to know going forward as I read through the Orthodox Study Bible.

… about people:

• People have different frameworks from each other, but I have been learning that as long as it still leads to kindness in the present, I do not always have to share what I think. Granted, I used to be this way, but I realized it was tiring. There will be times where perhaps it will be wise to share what I think, but these moments are becoming fewer or, I usually have to wait longer until some kind of better connection and relationship is established. A coworker of mine was essentially sharing how they were able to handle the toxic behavior of someone they knew because they believed that karma would come for them. Granted, that is quite a retributive way of thinking, but I realized this thinking helped my coworker let go and move calmly through the situation. It genuinely helped them, and if it genuinely helps them, I do not have to lecture them about anything that I know because I feel like it is more “right”.
• There is someone in my life who I do not think is patient at all, but they consider themselves as such. However, I had the chance to hear the story of how they reached the level of patience that they have now, and that it has been quite a journey. Plus, they are still trying to work on their patience. While I still would not consider this person patient, my heart has softened a bit more knowing where they came from and where they plan on going.
• Love literally heals. I thought of this while reading through Exodus as well, how God describes Himself as the God who heals, because God is also love. However, love also literally heals at a molecular level. So many conditions that society deems as ‘disorders’ or ‘mental illnesses’ often comes from a lack of connection, a lack of relationship, and overall a lack of love. Love can heal our brains and our bodies in this way.

… about myself:

• There are some ways I wish I could be more brave, but I have been learning that it is okay if being brave is inconsistent or a process. Looking back in my life, although there have been ups and downs, I am confident enough to say that overall, I am getting more brave. And just to be clear, being brave does not mean I am becoming fearless. Becoming more brave has been more about still acknowledging the fear, but moving forward anyways, heart beating faster and all.
• Being acknowledged in the smallest ways is really important to me. Maybe it does not matter as much for some people, but I have noticed that being ignored, neglected, dismissed, invalidated, and being gaslighted especially rubs me the wrong way.