the heart as it is | courage • grief • beauty

The following reflections are based off of my own devotional reading through the Orthodox Study Bible lately:

1.) Psalm 89:11b (90:11b in most other translations) –> And who knows Your anger because of Your fear?

Admittedly, most translations of this verse will say something along the lines of equating God’s anger to our fearing of God, and perhaps that is what it is saying. But this part of Psalm 89 stood out to me in this translation because the fear is not for people to have towards God, but the fear is attributed to God; ultimately this phrasing humanizes God for me. It’s as if it’s saying underneath His anger is fear, which is completely logical from an emotional standpoint, as anger is secondary emotion and fear is a reasonable primary one. And I know all the questions and statements may come out saying that God does not fear anything, and that he is fearless, but I beg to differ.

Firstly, all of our emotions come from God and reflect His image. If we have confidence, that mirrors God; conversely, if we have fear, that reflects as God as well. To have the pure emotion of fearing something is not a ‘sin’, it’s usually the dysfunctional things that we might do coming from the fear that can manifest into sin. Plus speaking of being in God’s image, Jesus was once an infant and toddler, too. And just like any human infant and toddler, he feared being away from his caretakers too long – this is the fear that relational attachment creates, which is a beautiful way that God designed us.

Secondly, there are many arguments for Jesus being afraid when He was in the garden of Gethsemane, especially as he was praying while dripping bloody sweat. On a medical level, this usually happens to people under extreme stress/anxiety. Some may say that Jesus was only in anguish but was not afraid – well then what exactly was the root of his anguish then? If it’s not some level of fear of what was about to come physically, it’s hard to say what his deep anguish was about, as people usually anguish over things that are greatly distressing or fear-inducing to them. If anyone does have anything to share about his anguish not being tied to fear, I genuinely would love to hear another perspective on it.

2.) Leviticus 5:24 –> “… He shall restore its full value, add one-fifth more to it, and give it to whomever it belongs on the day his trespass is brought to light.”

This part of the Torah is referring to restitutions offering and about restoring value to stolen or damaged property. At a quick glance, this verse reminds me of Zacchaeus in the synoptic gospels (however, he wanted to restore things when his trespasses were already known to the community, so it would not fully match what’s going on here). More so, this verse reminds me of what Jesus did for us. What Jesus did on the cross was not to bring us value, but to restore us to our full (and original) value, AND add more value to us by showing us that we are worth it to the Trinity to be dying for. Additionally, Jesus was redeeming us – “give it to whomever it belongs” – back to Himself, as we originally belonged and belong to Him, the day one of humanity’s biggest trespasses (wanting to be God by killing our Creator) was brought to light.