the heart as it is | courage • grief • beauty

Things I am learning about Yahweh, myself, and others:

Yahweh:

• In Matthew 3:10-12, this is something that I have been thinking about for a while. I’ve been taught that being thrown into fire in the scriptures and in my faith with Jesus usually means being sent to hell. Yet as I continue to read scripture and learn more about Jesus’ historical and cultural context, as well as history of the church and the Bible, I’m starting to see that fire is more about cleansing, purifying, and presence. Even from these couple of verses, at first it seems like fire is symbolic of fire, but then it is symbolic of baptism of the Holy Spirit. I understand that perhaps these verses can be interpreted in any way, but I also think it shows what we believe is stronger – hell (which is not even mentioned in this passage really) or the baptism of the Holy Spirit?

People:

• There is this really hilarious video I came across on social media by Ben Khang. Basically, he’s about to fart, and before he does, he asks his wife to “guess his fart”. She seems confused at first, but then makes a silly farting sound with her mouths, to then after a few seconds, the sound of Ben’s fart actually sounds that way. The caption of that video was “marriage” – and as weird, awkward and TMI-ish that video might have been, I actually thought it was an endearing message to what marriage is – that you know each other so well that you can guess what the other person’s flatulence will sound like. Granted, that’s not exactly what I’m thinking about as I am in this season of engagement myself, but to be known and to know someone else to that extent (literally or symbolically) is I think one of life’s greatest, funniest, and most meaningful adventures.

Myself:

• Been coming into moments where I’m reminded that the most honoring thing to do for myself and others is being myself
• This past year, I have been feeling like a new Christian, trying to unlearn all the unhelpful and shame-filled lies of western evangelical theology (not saying that ALL of western evangelism is like that, but there is a lot of it), and trying to go back to Christian orthodoxy and follow its roots to really understand and be in relationship with Truth as a person
• It is so much more satisfying to drink hot drinks from a mug than a tumblr for some reason
• Hurt comes in waves thus so does healing
• I remember when I was in middle school, wearing black converse to walk to school, I felt so much insecurity with this bone of mine that would stick out from the side of my foot. It would look like this small protrusion under the shoe cloth. These past couple of years, as I’ve learning about being barefoot shoes and the natural growth shape of human feet, it makes that insecurity seem so silly. My feet were growing in a way that it could because it was being constricted. In any case, realizations like this make me feel hopeful because as I learn more about the human body and the world, I wonder what other insecurities would start to appear small, too.
• I’ve been trying to find ways to incorporate music into my life again. As I started working full time and being in graduate school, I haven’t really touched my musical instruments nor attended any open mic nights – things I love doing as a musician, and it makes me a little sad. The most I am doing with regards to my musician identity is singing in the car, continuously trying to find new music, and learning/reviewing my languages with music. There is this beautiful album by Cœur de pirate which is all instrumental piano, and I am thinking of buying the sheet music. This is one of the songs which is quite beautifully simple in my opinion: