the heart as it is | courage • grief • beauty

It’s been a little under 2 months since I’ve shared some reflections. Here are my reflections since then:

Things I have been learning about God:

• I am currently going through a 40-day devotional for Lent called Sacred Belonging by theologian Kat Armas. This is hands-down one of the best devotionals I have come across. It is incredibly embodied and holistic while still tying things to the teachings and stories of scripture. In any case, one theme she goes over in this devotional is about the Earth, and it’s been a beautiful reminder to me how God made us connected to the earth, and that the well-being of the earth affects our well-being, too. Here is its beautiful cover:

• One of the psalms that I have loved for a while is Psalm 139, or 138 in the Orthodox Bible. I usually pray its last two verses when I am journaling about my Bible reading. I typically pray the passion translation’s version of it, where it says:
  
  “See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on, and lead me back to your glorious, everlasting way— the path that brings me back to you” – Psalm 139:24 (TPT)
  
  In some English translations, even in the English translation of the Orthodox Bible, the first part of that verse is translated as “see if there is any lawless way” or any “offensive way”. I became curious about this translation, however, and using a concordance, I found out the more accurate translation of the original Hebrew word from which these words are translated is ‘painful’, ‘sorrow’, and ‘hurtful’. This discovery made me excited, evidently, as I don’t believe sin is enough to explain evil – discussions about pain need to brought up. The translation ‘offensive’ makes more sense to me, and I am curious how the concepts of ‘painful’ and/or ‘offensive’ eventually turned into ‘lawless’, as that has more to do with morality than human pain. Nonetheless, although some parts of the passion translation are questionable to me, I have always loved its translation of this verse, as it recognizes that how we react to pain is what can lead us on a path away from Jesus.

Things I’ve been learning about others:

• Shame shows us the places to make grace for in our hearts and lives – to allow God to make grace for, to allow people to make grace for, and to allow ourselves to make grace for.

Things I’ve been learning about myself:

• Here are some times when I really feel like myself:
  
  – when I run
  – when I box
  – when I go to read at coffee shops
  – when I go on little photography adventures
  – when I play music
  – when I watch music performances
  
  
• It has been difficult to stay present lately. Nothing bad is happening in my life right now – in fact there’s a couple of very exciting things happening. I’ve just never had to really juggle time as well as I need to during this season in my life.
• I’ve been sad that grad school is taking me away from community. However, I know this is also just a season in my life, too.
• I’ve been noticing the classism in my heart lately. It is a very humbling realization, and I am just kind of wondering what to do about it right now. I will say that despite me being a woman of color, I have lived a privileged life and have been well off (not wealthy though), and some things recently have been making me realize how this has formed my classist mentality, which is honestly one I would like to learn to let go of.
• I have been trying to reflect on why during this season of my life, I really enjoy cooking shows. I think part of it is the aesthetic, I love the art behind it. I think even though I am not at the level of the chefs and cooks that I watch, it is fascinating learning from them.