the heart as it is | courage • grief • beauty

I have pretty much been doing these reflections on a monthly basis now, which I think is pretty great, although I do miss sharing these on a weekly basis. Anyways, here they are:

Things I have been learning about Yahweh:

• Something recent I learned about our modern understandings of hell is that even the Old Testament eludes to how it was a man-made concept. Gehenna was an area outside of Jerusalem that Jesus would refer to (it actually still is there) and people have interpreted as Jesus’ metaphor on an actual, dark afterlife. Gehenna actually alludes to the Valley of Ben Hinnom, or the Valley of Slaughter, mentioned in the book of Jeremiah: “They have built the high places of Topheth in the Valley of Ben Hinnom to burn their sons and daughters in the fire—something I did not command, nor did it enter my mind” (this is God speaking this part by the way).
  
  ‘Hell’ was a place where child sacrifice happened that God did not command his people to do. In fact, there are other times in the Old Testament where God tells people not to be conducting child sacrifice like their surrounding cultures would. If hell’s origins are rooted in child sacrifice, a practice condemned by God, this doesn’t line up with our modern understandings of hell being a place of eternal conscious torment, supposedly designed by God. God condemns human sacrifice and torment and actually prefers mercy over sacrifice (see Hosea and Matthew). This should challenge Christians to think critically about what Jesus’ suffering – a human being tortured and killed – might have actually signified with regards to mercy rather than sacrifice; remembering also that the Trinity – a gracious and merciful entity – is always working together, even during the crucifixion.
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• My current Bible reading is the books of Deuteronomy and Job. I came across these verses in Deuteronomy about a week ago in my Orthodox Study Bible where it says: “Then you shall spend that money for whatever your soul desires; for oxen or sheep, for wine or strong drink, for whatever your soul desires: you shall eat there before the Lord your God, and you shall rejoice, you and your household… at the end of every third year you shall bring out the tithe of your produce. Then the Levite, because he has no portion or inheritance with you, and the resident alien and the fatherless and the widow who are within your cities may come and eat and be satisfied, so the Lord your God may bless you in all the works you do.”
  
  So these verses are evidently about tithing, and God gave this rule to people who lived too far from an altar to bring offerings. I find these verses interesting though, because God is basically saying that they can get whatever food or drink they’d like as an offering to Him, as long as they eat before and rejoice with him. Also, He emphasizes that the offering is also meant to be shared with those less privileged. It makes me want to conclude that a big part of tithing and rendering offerings to God is to commune and enjoy him, as well as with other people, and especially with those less privileged.

Things I have been learning about people:

• I recently came across probably my favorite definition of trauma because it is incredibly objective. I don’t remember what podcast I was listening to, but it is a definition by Dr. Bruce Perry who is an expert in neuroscience, mental health, and trauma. His definition of trauma is “any pattern of activating your stress response system that leads to an alteration in how that system is functioning, that leads to overactivity and over-reactivity”. I appreciate this definition because there are so many definitions of trauma out there that people actually argue over and try to validate or invalidate. However, at its neurological roots, this definitely really reflects what trauma is and what it does to us.

Things I have been learning about myself:

• I’m not sure where to put this reflection point, maybe an entirely different category altogether? But I’ve been learning that keeping out pests is a very good incentive for landscaping well.
• I enjoy making my own coffee and lattes at home ! Come my next paycheck, I want to get a coffee grinder because I need medium/coarse grinds for French-pressed coffee.
• Being married is making me pay a lot of attention to my self-talk. Basically I’m just noticing that my self-talk is still quite degrading at times.
• I’ve been learning how interesting it is that my mind processes some things. This is something that I’ve noticed for a while actually, but some recent events reminded me that in certain moments, my brain will block out shame and rejection, but when I feel safer, I will remember that moment later.
• Also I can’t believe I have not been regularly cooking with rice vinegar! I know it’s a staple in a lot of Asian cooking, plus both my parents use it regularly. I finally decided to use it when looking up a Taiwanese cabbage recipe (even though I wasn’t cooking Taiwanese cabbage). And it really helped to flavor my vegetable dish !