the heart as it is | courage • grief • beauty

Today’s question from Onsite is “Who do you feel was most influential on how you turned out?”

I think the word “influential” tends to have more positive connotations, whereas I am thinking of negative and positive ones. As much as I harp on the church, they still had an overall positive influence on me. There were healthy peers I could connect with as well has mentors that could guide me in ways that my family never could have. I learned a lot from the church about how to step into leadership role and how to love myself and others better. Although my faith community has changed over the years, my faith communities have largely been the families I’ve needed which is my community has been so important to me.

My family has had more negative influences on me than positive, sadly. However, I have been able to use those negative influences to learn how to live more healthily and positive (note how I did not say “use ALL”… because I’m definitely still working on things). A big negative influence manifested as my anxious attachment style, which led me into unhealthy relationship after unhealthy relationship, as well as other cycles of shame. After living in this pattern for so long and really having enough of it, this negative influence pushed me to seek help, which I am eternally grateful for.

All in all, there were handfuls of people that influenced how I turned out, like how there will continue to be people who shape me / that I allow to shape me.

Thanks for reading !