Retreat with Cory Muscara

For the 12/5-12/7 weekend, I decided to treat myself to a retreat in the Santa Cruz mountains with meditation author and speaker, Cory Muscara.

I first heard of Cory Muscara through some people at Onsite (my incredible experience at Onsite here), and since then, I have been following him for a few years and have subscribed to this daily text teachings.

The main factor that allowed me to attend this retreat was lodging and I graciously had friends who let me stay in their home in Gilroy, so I was one of the commuter attendees who drove up the mountain to the Mount Madonna Retreat Center for the day.

In all honesty, I did not really have any intentions coming into this event other than being able to hear Cory speak in person. It was kind of more like a conference-like event in my head personally, especially also due to the fact that I did not stay up in the mountain with the majority of the attendees. I still really enjoyed the event thought and wanted to share my thoughts:

Friday, Day 1:
I left my internship a little bit earlier in order to beat the south bay traffic Friday afternoon. I reached my friends’ home and I needed to nap before heading to the retreat. My plan was to make the tail end of dinner, so by the time I was heading up the mountain, it was already quite dark.

When I reached Mount Madonna Center it was night already, and although I could tell that the site was stunning, I could not see much. I fortunately found parking close to the conference building, checked in and got my name badge, and then headed to the community building for hall (but first getting lost a bit and seeing the temple on the hill at night which is quite beautiful with all the lighting it has).

I caught a glimpse of Cory when I walked into the community building (where you have to take your shoes off by the way) and then grabbed some dinner, which was just some plain vegetarian food. I managed to meet two other ladies who also did not live far from the area but were staying on site.

Without looking at my notes, my biggest memory from the first night was how calm Cory was when he spoke and interacted with people from the stage. I’ve been able to go to other events to listen to teachers I’ve admired, and it’s really hit or miss if those people seem approachable or not and Cory was genuinely emanated so much tranquility and humility as one of his overall values appears to be that he is only really a guide and that each person knows themselves best – so that was really enlightening to be able to experience that energy in person.

I can’t remember if Cory talked about this the first night or not, but I’m going to put this in Day 1. Something really memorable for me was Cory talking about our relationship to our cell phones. Essentially, he encouraged really being aware to how we feel when we are on our phones as opposed to using our phones mindlessly. He mentioned preferring we do this over all-or-nothing kind of thinking where we go from using our phones a lot to all of a sudden not using our phones at all during the retreat, to then go back to using our phones in the previous manner after the retreat. I really appreciated this mindset because of how gentle it was, and it also helped me to be more in my body while on my phone and consequently use it less during the retreat.

Saturday, Day 2:

The main things I wanted to share about this day was being reminded about the relationship between love and fear, discussing mindfulness and religion, and exploring beauty at different points in the day.

Something Cory shares frequently that he repeated in various manners during the retreat is that “love softens the fear that causes us to grip”. He also shares frequently something akin to internal family systems, that our fearful, self-preserving, and often dysfunctional patterns were useful and helpful at one time for survival, but at some point became the perpetuator of unhealthier behaviors. His constant advice towards this is not to try to make these tendencies go away through force or ignorance or anything, but to love these parts of ourselves that at their core were created good. A similar concept to this that he shared was that we are fundamentally whole.

And this leads into my small blurb about the religion I grew up in with relation to wholeness. I had the chance to also talk with some other attendees who grew up / have been around more conservative, evangelical christianity. We had really good discussions surrounding how frequently that kind of religious mindset does not really allow for full healing. It says that Jesus takes on our shame (which is true), but then still proceeds to say that we are fundamentally sin-prone and fundamentally broken. I believe we can become fractured and broken, but that is not how we are fundamentally created to be – as evidenced by the doctrine of original blessing. It is only when we know that we were already fundamentally whole and good that God can RESTORE us back to that wholeness, as God has always been in the business of restoration. The idea of Jesus dying for us to only just cover us with goodness while our insides are still “hell-bound” will never create lasting change nor light in anybody.

Finally, for day 2, I just wanted to briefly share some of the things I really appreciated while at this retreat. For this day, the kitchen served deliciously tasty Indian food. There was also this Indian cafe which had really cool drinks. I also had the chance to walk around the retreat grounds and be in nature as well as see the views of a valley. Towards the end of day 2, we also had a ‘silent retreat’ part of the program where we did not speak from the afternoon, through dinner, and then through the end of the evening session. As an introvert, I actually really love not speaking, a good chunk of it still being due to fear of being judged and not liked, but it was still nice not having to speak. At the end of this silence practice, Cory had mentioned something about introverts and silence that I thought was interesting but can’t really remember much more at this point. It had something to do with silence as a defense mechanism, which I don’t entirely disagree with, but I think overlooks cultural contexts as well – but it was good to think about.

Sunday, Day 3

Unless I look back on my notes, not a whole ton stood out on this day. I remember Cory discussing intuitive movement (which I can’t fully recall was day 2 or 3 but will put here anyways), which reminded me broadly of yoga, and more specifically, the importance of not being judgmental towards one’s self during yoga. People were given opportunities to continue to ask Cory questions about meditation practices as well as just anything else in general, as well as personally meet with him to sign books and take photos and the like. I also had a nice discussion over lunch with someone closer to my age this day about mental health counseling and they asked me about what it means to hold space for people during therapy, which is a question I am still pondering and reflecting on. This day ended around 4pm and so I was able to return home early evening.

Some other things I wanted to note:

I was prepared to be one of the younger participants and that ended up happening. Personally it has just been difficult for me to connect with people much older due to cultural customs of my own heritage.
While I could tell many people at the retreat had a more politically left leaning bent (as do I), it was still a predominantly white space, with a very small handful of BIPOC folks (myself included), which was interesting to observe….

Overall, though, I was really happy that I could listen to Cory in-person. I am not that big of a fan yet to want to personally meet him nor necessarily attend another one of his retreats, but his teachings continue to speak to me and that is all that matters right now. Currently on his social media page, it looks like he’s trying to organize weekly meetings that are in my area, so that is something I am trying to be updated on.

Here are the photos from the retreat: