the heart as it is | courage • grief • beauty

Today’s question from Onsite is “What are the dominant messages you received from your family of origin? Are there particular people who provided either supportive or judgmental messages?”

This is such a deep question, and the overall dominant message I received from my family of origin was that I am difficult to love and that love has to be earned. There are so many sub-messages within that too but I think that is something I’d rather hash out with a therapist than write out on here. It has taken me my lifetime thus far to realize that those were the 2 overarching messages unfortunately given to me through my family of origin, albeit mostly unintentionally.

Although I question and disagree with the theology I grew up with, I think that was where I might have heard the most of my supportive messages. A friend’s dad also comes to mind, who felt like a supportive and safe person to me. I think perhaps subconsciously this may have been why I did well in school and continue to seek the approvals of other adults/older people I looked up to, because I did not really feel or receive that affirmation from my parents, sadly.